:: snapshot 15 ::

so...it feels like it again. it, being the thing call, infatuation. a new beginning of seeing someone for the first time since the last time one sees its current object of affection. except this time around, the perspective of things shifted. to something more like a racing heart beat. or quickening of breathes and sweaty palms. a significant amount of lost words or stolen glaces of awkwardness. i dont even know when it all started. but that day when i saw him appearing at the glass door outside of my lounge, i felt myself lit up. literally. his shades were hung in front of his black t-shirt underneath a gray wool jacket. why and how the hell did i even remember that! its like its starting all over again. however e part inside me which warns-- am i even denying how im feeling inside? maybe this infatuation would somehow go away as time passes by. or the absence of his presence. the messages would become lesser...or he'd become disinterested. or he is in fact only have eyes for someone else or even only for his own life. as if all these time how i am being distracted for awhile its like a short advertisement space due to the fact that the relation energetics area in my life is opening up. no, i cant say anything up front or even in front of any of the girls... the only one who knows would most probably be my housemate. becoz no one can know how i feel inside. it could most probably be just one sided anyhow? all in my mind. unless reality proven otherwise. or maybe the only attraction was all an illusion and he only saw me as an eccentric gypsy in modern time. and i cant hurt her too. she's my friend. the alliance i'm living by would not change...but im so afraid if things happens otherwise. if they do become an item, i would be happy for them. honestly. but if anything else happens vice verse...im not sure how i'd be able to stand looking at her. i should just flow shouldnt i? allow nature to take its course...does that requires me to assist on its natural courses or i should refrain from acting out however ways im feeling inside? what am i so afraid of anyway? its like...im afraid of being failing and getting hurt again.